Am I Holding Space or Just Holding Back
The art of knowing when to stay silent, when to speak and when to listen
When do we hold space for silence, and when does silence hold us back?
I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately.
About how silence can sometimes feel like a deep breath between thoughts. A pause that allows your emotions to settle. At other times, it can feel like a wall—built to protect ourselves from discomfort or confrontation. And sometimes it can feel like a barrier imposed by others.
Silence can be both powerful and paralyzing. It can offer meaning. It can make space for healing. Or, instead, it can become a place where things fester.
I’m still contemplating the answer (or at least which answers apply to me). If I’m being honest, it just might be a mix of all of the above and more.
When to Hold Space
Holding space isn’t passive.
It’s staying present without trying to fix, defend, judge, or direct.
It’s listening without surrendering to the need to respond and fill the silence.
I’ve recently realized that it also represents a kind of bravery.
I think of the times I’ve sat with someone experiencing grief, anger or frustration — desperate to offer the right words and realizing the most supportive thing I could do was just be there. Allowing my silence to say: You’re not alone. I will hold this with you.
Holding space involves trusting that your presence, rather than your words, is sometimes the most important thing.
When to Speak
And yet, silence isn’t always golden.
There are moments when speaking up is the best choice. Times when holding back will only compound negativity. I’ve learned (often the hard way) that staying silent in the face of misunderstanding or malice doesn’t protect anyone. It just widens the gap between individuals and allows negative energy to fester.
Sometimes, the most impactful thing we can do is break the silence.
Before choosing to stay quiet, I try to ask myself:
Am I being mindful (holding space), or am I avoiding personal conflict (holding back)?
When to Listen
Listening sits somewhere in between. It’s the bridge between silence and speaking.
It requires us to be fully present. It asks us to hear what’s not being said: hesitation, tone, volume and shifts in body language.
Genuine listening takes humility. It’s not about responding; it’s about receiving.
It’s how we transform silence from empty to meaningful.
The Weight We Carry
For some, silence equals strength. To others, it signifies wisdom.
For some, silence represents fear. And for others, it’s grace.
The point is: We all carry the weight of silence differently.
Paying attention is what really matters. Recognizing how it feels in our bodies, acknowledging what it costs us to stay silent and what it might cost us to speak.
We won’t always get it right.
But each time we pause long enough to notice — to really choose our words or elect to remain intentionally silent — that weight feels a little lighter.
Don’t be discouraged, this journey requires practice.
🌿 A Listening Challenge
I invite you to join me in a challenge to listen more actively.
For one week, choose one conversation each day where you intentionally listen without interrupting. Notice what shifts within you—your understanding, your empathy, your urge to respond.
Share your reflections in the comments, or tag me if you decide to take part.
Let’s see what happens.