Out of Sync
On movement, motivation, and starting again
In what feels like a completely different lifetime, I enjoyed walking. During the week, you’d find me walking around the block on my lunch break. In the evenings, it wasn’t uncommon for me to take a walk around the neighborhood while chatting with a friend. Most weekends, you’d find me on a nature trail. But lately, I’m more adept at making excuses. Not for the benefit of others but to make myself feel better about deciding not to put on my sneakers and go out the door.
I just can’t seem to shake the funk. I started walking as a way to lose weight, but it turned into something I looked forward to. Walking was a way to get out of my head. A way to decompress after a frustrating day. A mood booster on days when I needed a little extra oomph.
And yet… here I am.
The voice inside my head shouting, “I’m too tired. I just can’t handle a walk right now,” keeps winning the internal debate.
But… What if I stopped waiting for the perfect mindset, overthinking the need for more sleep and started ignoring the naysayer taking up residence in my head? After all, based on my experience, I know firsthand that moving can be a sort of medicine.
Here’s what I know… I need something to motivate me. In the past, my motivators included everything from nudges from my doctor about my weight, wanting more energy, to virtual communities, charity walks, and organized hikes. Basically, anything that resulted in something I viewed as an accomplishment: weight loss, improved medical stats, a faster pace, more miles, etc.
Writing this, I realize it was also about how I felt afterwards. Almost three years ago, things started to go a bit sideways. My walks became much more sporadic. I ended up relocating a year after that (a story for another day). After the move, I realized my mood (and outlook) needed a major course-correction—walking was the medicine I chose. I walked every single day, rain or shine. It helped. My problems didn’t magically disappear, but my overall well-being benefited. I maintained a pretty steady pattern. I lost some weight, let go of a ton of emotional baggage, and my overall outlook was (for most of the time) healthier than it had been in a while.
And… just when life seemed to be getting back on track, life threw me another curveball and I went in reverse. As the New Year approached, I honestly thought I was getting a handle on things. I wasn’t hyper-focused on the negatives and was avoiding toxic positivity. I even RSVP’d for a “First Walk” at a local trail. I thought, “This is a perfect way to get myself back into a walking routine”. But maybe that was my mistake—I changed “I want to” to “I need to” without realizing it. I never said the words, but that’s how my brain interpreted my intentions. Robert Burns was definitely onto something when he wrote:
“In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!”
So, long story not so short, I’m sitting here absolutely certain that even a short walk is beneficial, but still failing to find the motivation needed to actually get my butt outside.
I keep telling myself, maybe a quick walk to the mailbox or a casual stroll around the block. But, so far, the most I’ve managed is walking around the grocery store. Most days, walking from the bedroom to the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee, then back to my desk, represents my intentional movement for the day.
Clearly, G.I. Joe had it right: “Knowing is half the battle”. Recognizing I’m avoiding something I once enjoyed and acknowledging I’m in control of whether or not that continues is a step (and in the right direction), even if it’s not literal, physical movement.
Maybe that’s just what I need to create the spark that gets me outside. In hindsight, maybe all my prior motivations have been based (at least a little) on perspective. It’s time to give my brain something else to focus on—the trees, the sky, the way the air feels, the sound of my feet on pavement. It’s time to stop letting what I can’t control, control me.
This may not be literal motion, but it is something. A little forward movement. And at this point, something is enough. Who knows, today might be the day I put on my sneakers and get back to walking.
A Closing Thought:
Even if all you managed today was getting out of bed, congrats. I hope you celebrate that for the win it is!
“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb
P.S.
Let me know what small movements you made today. Share a few details in the comments below.